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***
A couple attending an Art exhibition was looking at a portrait that has them a little taken aback. The picture depicts three very black, very naked men sitting on a park bench; two have a black penis and the one in the middle has a pink penis.
As the couple is looking somewhat puzzled at the picture, the artist, an Irishman, walks by and says:
- Can I help you with this painting? I`m the artist who painted it.
The man:
- Well, we like the painting but don`t understand why you have three African
men on a bench, and the one in the middle has a pink penis while the other
two have a black penis.
The artist:
- Oh you are misinterpreting the painting. They`re not African men, they
are Irish coal miners and the one in the middle went home for lunch...
color="#FF0000">A Man Enters His Favorite Ritzy Restaurant
A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant while sitting at his regular
table, he noticed a gorgeous woman sitting at a nearby table... all alone.
He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it, she is his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying that it is from the gentleman. She looks at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man.
The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."
The man after reading the note, sends one of his own notes back to her and
it read: "Just so you know - I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850II, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage; plus I have over twenty million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back."
***
Three mice are sitting in a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.
The first mouse downs a shot of scotch, slams the shot glass to the bar, turns to the second mouse and says: "When I see a mousetrap, I get on it, lie on my back, and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, and then bench press it 100 times."
The second mouse orders up two shots of tequila. He grabs one in each paw, slams the shots, and pounds the glasses to the bar. He turns to the other mice and replies: "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can and take it home. In the morning, I grind it up into a powder and put it in my coffee so I get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."
The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and fuck the cat."
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